Okay okay….I get it. Everyone above the North-South line (you might not know we still call it the Mason Dixon) gets so tickled when we shut down for 1/2″ of snow, or rather what we usually get, ice. Well let’s put that into perspective.
I am copying and pasting a FB post by my cousin Lisa Brown Jervis. She illustrates so eloquently the issues with snow in the South. Wind her up…
“Further elaboration to the Snow/Ice Driving Theory:
*Snow/Ice/Super-Cold Temps in The South*
Greetings, Yankee & Midwestern Folks!
It’s common knowledge that if it’s assumed we’re going to get a hint of winter weather? Yes, we shut down. And yes, you people that live in places where you get snow to your armpits and stay below zero for 4-8 months of the year laugh at us.
Wanna know why The South responds the way it does…?
1. Cities/counties/individuals do not have plows, salt trucks, shovels, snowblowers, etc. There’s no reason to spend that kind of money to house and maintain equipment that may get used a couple times a year. Northern areas and bigger cities have a handful of said equipment to try and help the situation, but the effort is about the same as peeing on a forest fire to extinguish it.
2. Schools shut down because of buses having to travel on roads that are sketchy/unknown conditions. Just because your road is fine doesn’t mean they all are. Do you want your kids in a large vehicle that’s more prone to lose its grip on the road? Or everyone trying to drive to school at once with about 75% of folks just making a mess of it? Also- see #3. School’s without heat/water? They have to send them home anyway. Why bother in the first place?
3. Our homes/buildings are not built for freezing cold temps. They are built for the temps we reach and maintain for months on end, which is the same as Satan’s buttcrack. Jack Frost’s buttcrack is not taken into consideration because he only farts on us occasionally, as where Satan full-on liquid-lava-shits on us consistently more often than not. Pipes freezing/bursting, heating systems tapping out are all very real and frequent things that happen in freezing temps, and there’s nothing we can do about it except try our best to prevent it.
4. Folks struggle to drive in the best of conditions here. Add snow/ice? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah. I don’t even have to elaborate.
*4.1: Snow/Ice Driving Theory:
Most collision deductibles are $500. I’m willing to bet that most folks don’t make $500 a day at work. It is more cost & time effective for all folks involved for you to stay home, not risk damaging your vehicle, yourself or somebody else, and end up missing way more time than one day from getting your car fixed, doctor visits, etc.
Wait until the sun comes up and there’s a better chance to A. See B. Roads clear/temps warm. You’re not going to get some kind of dedication award. Truth be told? You die on the way to work, folks will be sad for a minute, then your position will be filled before you get cold in the ground/before your ashes cool off. No job is worth your life be it literally or working ridiculous hours.
5. Per #4, we have the fellas here with their jacked-up, 4×4 trucks that *think* they’re invincible because they have mud-grip tires with grooves so deep you could stash kindergartners in them. Well, if you are driving them on snow? Then yes- you’re solid. But guess what? Brakes don’t work on ice whether you’re in a Ford Fiesta or Grave Digger, Max D, etc. You wreck that $60k truck one time and you’ll get it. I hope. Science trumps Ford, Chevy, Dodge, Jeep, etc.
6. MOST IMPORTANT ABOUT #4: there are folks that HAVE to hit the road and go to work, and they do so to take care of US- first responders, nurses/doctors, City/County employees, HVAC repair, etc. Stay off the roads so these people that HAVE to travel TO TAKE CARE OF US stand a chance of doing so safely without non-essential jackwagons blocking their way/creating more work for them.
7. Folks that live in The South- y’all know we get a week’s worth of notice when the snow is going to hit the fan. If you don’t prepare with milk and bread? Then you’re an idiot and don’t deserve milk sandwiches anyway.
8. There’s already swimsuits in the stores now. If people didn’t buy winter wear last July? They are ill-prepared to be out in the conditions.
So folks in wintery places that this is your norm- point and laugh, we’re okay with it because we’re not as dumb in The South as people like to believe.
Folks here in The South? Bundle up, snuggle up, play with the babies in the rareness this is. If you have to be out and about? Please be careful and watch for idiots. May your pipes flow freely, your furnaces heat consistently, your milk stay cold and your bread stay fresh. The South WILL rise again!!
Just not today.”
**PS… If you do drive and you are in Atlanta, stick to I-285. It’s well knownto have ladders, mattresses, and tires all along the grass on the sides. If you get stuck, get one if the abandoned ladders to dig your way out when you slide off the road and one of the mattresses to rest in until it thaws or someone drags you out.